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The Roach Enroachment


Yes, you!

Stop living in denial. You know they do it, those little bastards. You check the front door to see if it’s locked. You turn off the gas in your chula and put out the fire. You pay one last visit to the toilet, empty your tank and brush your precious yellow teeth. Satisfied with everything, you finally turn out all the lights and retire to bed. You think you’re in control. But that’s only what they want you to think. Haha. Hahahaha.You poor, stupid, two-legged giant.

The moment you hop into bed, they pop out of all the little creaks and cracks of your house. And they lay claim to your most intimate possessions. Starting from that ugly Manchester United poster hanging from your wall (the one you make out with, every time they lift the Community Shield), to — brace yourself — your toothbrush. Yes, they are crawling around on the very bristles on your brush that were inside your mouth just minutes ago. The very bristles that will be inside your mouth first thing in the morning.

We can no longer ignore the reality of cockroaches walking/sitting/shitting on our brushes. When a crisis of this magnitude comes forth, it is a handful of enlightened people like yours truly, who step up and lead the way. You, being one of the country full of mindless idiots, must follow. For this is the only way to free your toothbrushes from the evil clutches of this creepy crawly monstrosity. This, and applying Knockroach on your brush. But there’s a very real possibility that Knockroach will end up knocking you out as well. Talk about Nemok harami! Besides, let’s be realistic here, you’re way too kipta to actually spend money on poison for cockroaches anyway. So please, stfup and follow my lead.


Do away with all those hapless cap less toothbrushes. If your brush doesn’t have a cap on it, then frankly, you’re just asking for it to be walked/sat/shat on. Of course, using a cap to cover up the bristles isn’t a foolproof way of avoiding contact with the goober limbs of the goober roaches. Some of the really mean ones would always find ways to caress the bristles with their stupid gay antennae by taking advantage of the exposed underside of the cap. Also, I have had the misfortune of very recently finding out that some of the smaller brothers-in-law are adventurous enough to slide their entire body under the cap. Sons of bitches!

So how can you ensure absolutely zero contact of your dear brush with these bibek-hin fiends? The answer is brilliantly simple: Hide it! That’s right, find a place where (shb) no cockroach would ever dream of finding a toothbrush neatly hidden away. My brush, for instance, currently rests inside an uber-sleek, air-tight, state of the art chanachur er dibba.

Categories: Uncategorized
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